Dear Robin

Nothing that I will say hasn't been said before. I wasn't raised with your films, but I have seen enough to deem you a fantastic actor. I had never known that you had a battle with depression because I would've related with you in so many aspects.

I'm sorry about your death, dear friend. Suicide is a choice that many people have been faced with, and it is never easy. People don't usually understand suicide and depression so let's say it's like a black dog or rather a black monster that eats you up from inside. It can make you believe you're worth nothing, that you will never go back to being happy, that no one needs you and they're better off without you. Sometimes you're distracted and don't think about anything, or you feel numb inside, but every once in a while you peek into yourself to just see if the monster is gone and it is frightening how strong it has grown while you looked elsewhere.

I am sorry that the monster finally took you but the rest of us will remember you as a magnificent person, one that was always capable of making everybody around you smile.

You will be missed dearly.

Turkey travel diary - Part 1: Istanbul

There's nothing better than travelling to demonstrate how wrong you are. About life, about the country you are visiting and about the country you come from. We usually expect what will happen when we get there, don't we?

No one would've told us that Turkey is, in a lot of aspects, more advanced than Spain (there were solar panels on EVERY single house). Also, if you get in a taxi, be prepared for the ride of your life... or death!

We would've never imagined that, whilst asking a man -who had absolutely no idea of english- directions to our hotel, he would get in the car and started driving until he got us there. The most amazing thing is... this is thought as completely normal in Turkey. 

Wearing shorts doesn't mean that people will judge you, even if the rest of women around you are wearing burka (although it's not that common). Travelling with a pair of natives (my father and brother) always helps! (I'm joking... but not really.) If you have a beard, come to Turkey... you're going to love it!

And the most usual thing is that, wherever you go, everyone will invite you to çay (tea). If you're not a huge fan of tea, I assure you you will start to be - and if not, try elma çay (apple tea.. yum!)

I wasn't expecting anything of what we encountered, and after these 15 days, I still can't believe how lucky I've been to visit this marvellous country! 

Our route: Istanbul - Ankara - Göreme - Konya - Pamukkale - Bodrum - Efes - Istanbul

PART 1 - ISTANBUL

Can you believe that this is not the coolest kind of clothing? 

I have to be completely honest here. Istanbul is the place to be if you want to see beautiful architecture (take the Blue Mosque below, for example) and astonishing contrasts (a girl wearing shorts while her sister is wearing a burka).

 I am a big fan of this city, but I have to say we visited on the worst possible moment. The Ramadan had just finished and there were a couple of limitations in restaurants and shops. (i.e. The Grand Bazaar was closed during our first stay... damn. However, we got to spend a whole day -and our savings- when we finished our tour, before getting our flight home the next day) 

The beautiful Blue Mosque

We HAD to try Narguile, at least once!

The whole city was brimming with people and the heat -combined with LOTS of humidity- didn't make it any easier. I have to say, I loved the night time in Istanbul, but I loathed the morning and afternoon. So. darn. hot. 

A couple of Istanbul recommendations:

• Taksim Square and Itsiklal Caddesi (which is their way of saying "street"). It's a great area, always full of people and excitement. The most important shops are located here, so if you want to make a quick visit to Zara, you most definitely have to come here! There are great restaurants and bars in the adjacent streets, which are also full of charm and music. (If you're after Istanbul's night life, this is the place for you too!)

• Grand Bazaar: I can't say enough good things about this place. We spent almost a whole day in there, and we didn't even buy that much. It's intoxicating (in a good way) and fascinating, because you can't stop looking around. Most objects you can find in more than one shop, so if the clerk is asking for a high price and you can't make him lower it -bargaining is a must here-, check other shops. But... if you really really liked it, I say buy it, because you most definitely will make a couple of turns and in a second you won't know where the shop is located. (Almost Alice in Wonderland-ish!)
  
• Spice Market: Although it's a beautiful place to see, I wouldn't recommend you to buy there anything except maybe a souvenir. Most things have quite a high price and it's fixed, unlike in the Grand Bazaar.
  
• The Blue Mosque: If you ever come to Istanbul, this one's a must! A beautiful example of muslim architecture, but if you're a woman you will most definitely have to wear one of those borrowed dresses + headscarves we're wearing in one of the pictures above. There are also delicious small restaurants around that area ;) so check them out after your visit!

Have you ever been to Istanbul? Would you like to? 

<3

M.

Wondering and Wandering

I've been thinking for a while about changing the whole image of this blog, maybe even its content. I love makeup, I REALLY do... but am I passionate enough to write about it for years? I will never stop talking about makeup, but I would love to talk about other things too. For instance: travelling, food, life... 

I know I already do these things every once in a while, but I'd like to do this more often. 

I don't know if you guys know, but I am going on an Erasmus* this next semester to Vienna (September - February) and I am going to be travelling A LOT. I have also gone on great trips lately (I went to Turkey for 15 days) and I'd love to talk to you about those. 

* Erasmus is an exchange programme between european students, and it can last for a whole school year or only a semester. It's a very common thing in Europe for university students to do. 

I hope you will like these changes in content and what they mean for my blog. 

Comment below, I love to read your opinions! 

<3 M.

Review: KIKO Long Lasting Stick Eyeshadow

Now that the summer is finally here to stay, wearing eyeshadow can be a tricky business. 

With the sweltering heat, the only option is wearing a really long lasting eyeshadow that won't crease and will last you all day (and night!) These KIKO Long Lasting Stick Eyeshadows are the most comfortable ones I've ever tried, and there's a great variety of really beautiful colours! 

Texture:

A very pigmented, creamy texture that doesn't require more than a dab to show the full-on colour you can achieve. After some minutes it sets and doesn't move, so be sure to blend your eyeshadow shortly after applying it!

L to R: #05 Rosy Brown, #39 Dark Taupe

Colours:

There are 33 shades to choose from, ranging from dark blues to golds. I bought these two shades:

• #39 Dark Taupe - this dark brown is not too warm and is ideal to create the perfect smokey eye without the need of any other product! It has a satiny finish and looks almost matte.
• #05 Rosy Brown - this is an amazing shade, quite sheeny and metallic. The name suits it perfectly, and can look amazing for day looks on itself and with some eyeliner for night (it also looks amazing with #39) Unlike #39, it contains glitter.

L to R: #05 Rosy Brown, #39 Dark Taupe

The problem is, once you pick one, you need more and more!

I am eyeing up these: #06 Golden Brown, #11 Teal, #31 Iris Blue... (okay, I need them all!)

Packaging:

They come in a sleek black matte tube, and the eyeshadow twists up (= no product waste!) 

Final thoughts:

This product is definitely a 10/10 in my opinion. You should go right now to your nearest KIKO counter and check these out (and thank me later!) 

Have you tried these or would you like to? What do you think about them?

<3

M.

Review: Bourjois Rouge Edition Velvet

I have been M.I.A. for the past month or so, because I was always studying for my finals and 

I barely had time to eat, so blogging just couldn't happen. 

I'm glad I'm back now and with such an amazing product to show to you!

The Bourjois Rouge Edition Velvet are my favourite release of the year! (And I'm sure they will be firm favourites of mine FOREVER.) Let's not get ahead of ourselves though!

I bought the next shades: Pink Pong, Hot Pepper and Grand Cru. I had heard something about this release and I expected it to be a dry and boring product, maybe even similar to the Stila All Day Liquid Lipsticks.

I bought Pink Pong and Hot Pepper at my local drugstore (Druni) and when I tried them on at home, my mind was officially BLOWN. 

Texture-wise:

- They are the most buttery smooth and pigmented liquid lipsticks, and blow out of the water pricier options like Lime Crime and Stila's. I just can't define the consistency, but I'll give it a shot: it's soft and silky, doesn't feel heavy on your lips at all, it doesn't dry your lips at all (you can refrain from using a lip balm although I still recommend putting some on) and you can definitely eat without it going anywhere. 

- You DON'T need to wait for it to dry and mattify, because it dries at a slower pace than other liquid lipsticks (LC and Stila), which means that you can rub your lips together comfortably and the more you rub them, the matte-r it becomes. (Even if you don't, it does dry out in time but you won't feel like you need to stay still until it does.)

And something even better, it lasts ALL DAY: I wore Pink Pong today 12h straight, ate a LOT and there was no apparent wearing off or feathering except in the inner area of the lip. I fixed this by putting some lip balm on that area and rubbing my lips together, which mixed the lipstick with the balm, spread the pigment and it looked exactly the same as just after application. 

L to R: Hot Pepper, Pink Pong and Grand Cru.

Below: Grand Cru blended.

- HOWEVER, I had some issues with Grand Cru. It may be something that only happens to me (because the sales assistant managed to make it work on her arm) but when I apply on my skin or lips, it is extremely patchy and weird, which I definitely don't like. Nevertheless, I decided I was going to make it work and apparently if you rub the pigment with your finger/Q-tip/brush, it does apply smooth and it shows a very rich dark red which I'm completely in love with. (See swatches for reference.) 

Grand Cru: directly with the doe-foot applicator - extremely patchy!

How do I make GC work? I dab 2 or 3 dots on my lips and then I use my fingers to blend it (you can use a lip brush too), and I love the soft focus look it creates! Texture-wise, once blended, is the same as Pink Pong and Hot Pepper.

Grand Cru, after blending with my fingers.

About the colours:

• Hot Pepper - bright orangey-red lipstick, the perfect summer pick!
• Pink Pong - bright purplish-pink, fuchsia even. 
• Grand Cru - deep rich pinky red, which I think might be very similar to MAC's Ruby Woo or Russian Red.

On my lips: Hot Pepper

On my lips: Grand Cru

On my lips: Pink Pong

In terms of packaging: they come in a sleek tube and you can also tell what colour you're picking before opening it (something that frustrates me about my beloved MAC lipsticks). The doe-foot applicator works extremely well, applies very evenly (except in the case of Grand Cru, of course, even if it's the product's fault) and precisely.

Final thoughts/opinion:

These were 12,99€ each (£10, 17$) , which in my opinion is an amazing deal for what they do. Oh.. I'm in love.. <3

I can't pick between the three of them, even if Grand Cru is a little bit problematic (although once you know how to work with it, it's a breeze!) I'd give all of them a 10/10! - Bourjois, you've done right by me! 

(I might have to go pick up other shades soon...)

<3 

M.

Orange Is The New Black: Lorna Morello

I'm completely obsessed with Season 2 of OITNB!!!

 I'm not sure I will make a whole series of this, but I wanted to give it a shot. 

Since Season 1, Lorna Morello has had impeccable taste in makeup and hair, which is also befitting because (SPOILERS) she's in charge of the beauty column in Litchfield's newsletter. Her locks are always in these Old Hollywood-style waves but my hair is a bit too long for those at the moment. However, we can tackle her perfect red lipstick! 

The lipstick is very similar to Ruby Woo, however Morello wears a creamier consistency. The colour we need is a blue-toned red or a pinky red, and my pick is Topshop's Screen Siren (10€).

There are many other lipsticks to choose from, but in my stash this one was the

most similar to the one Morello is wearing. 

<3

M.

Are you guys loving Season 2? What do you think about Morello? Any comments about OITNB?

My Battle with Depression

I have wanted to write this post for so long and yet I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I am not an expert on the matter, I'm just telling my story in the hopes someone might benefit from it. 

Image from Rookie

It all happened last year, on February-March. I had to take a morning-after pill due to forgetting one of my usual contraception pills (I know, TMI), and something they don't tell you is that apparently a very high dose of hormones can have two effects on you (not including contraceptive of course):

• No effect at all
• Physical effects related to your period
• A massive depression!

It's not a very common effect though, since I had to ask for second opinions and the first doctor didn't even acknowledge that this could be possible.

What did I feel then? The effects appeared 2 weeks after I took the pill, when it was my time of the month (TMI x2). I had terrible anxiety (something I had never experienced previously), I just felt indifferent to whatever happened around me. Like I wasn't able to feel a thing anymore.

I also avoided human contact at all costs, something that I've always loved. This of course took a lot of getting used to by my boyfriend (more on that later).

I was then prescribed some vitamins by my family doctor, that are the lowest dosage possible in order to battle a slight sense of sadness. They had no effect on me.

After that (July), I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed me Mirtazapine starting on a dosage of 15 mg for a couple of months and then in September my dosage was increased to 30 mg. Mirtazapine is a combined anxiety and depression medication, and it has had these effects on me:

1. Weight gain - 8 kg approximately (17 pounds)
2. Massive somnolence - I take it once a day before I go to sleep and the effects go well into midday of the day after that. This also means that I've overslept very frequently!
3. Dry mouth - if you chew on the pill like they recommend, you get a very dry mouth. However, I've found that swallowing with a glass of water prevents this.

(These are very common effects, apparently.)

My family has had different opinions on the matter. I love my father, and yet he couldn't understand the feelings I was experiencing and the type of depression I had. He isn't one to talk about feelings, so I couldn't unwind with him that much.

My mother on the other hand, really supported me and she pushed me -a bit too much- to talk to different doctors, when I just wanted to stay in bed.

In terms of friends, I must say it really shows who is there to help you and who isn't, and I guess in that sense it's something positive. On the other hand, my boyfriend has been by my side during the whole process, but I have to admit this year has been the worst of my life and that definitely took a toll on us! I'm so grateful that he has been with me -weathering the storm-, but at the same time I really felt like I had the blame because I wasn't able to be as loving or affectionate as before.

Another problem is that you may disappoint yourself quite frequently. You may feel better one day and extremely worse the next, and you are surely getting your hopes up every time you don't feel a crushing sensation on your chest. 

In the end, you have to know that suffering from depression is not your fault at all and if you aren't well tomorrow that doesn't mean that you won't get to feel like yourself ever again!

At the moment, I am lowering my dosage (a week ago I had to take 15 mg a day) to 15 mg every other day, until the 15th of June - when I will be drug and depression-free!

You guys, I thought I would never be able to feel like this again! There's a light at the end of the tunnel, I assure you. You might have depression because of other reasons or maybe you don't have depression at all, but you surely know or have known someone that has. 

Friends are the best way to fight depression!

I hope this can be of any help to anyone out there experiencing depression and you can reach me on my e-mail whenever you need to!

Thank you for listening <3

M.